The nice me seeks for happiness, to be in a blissful state always, allowing nothing to thwart it. The morbid me seeks for a curse, a curse on... hmmm... me. Suffer I must, forever and ever.
Something seemed to have connected during my 12hour visit to Hong Kong recently. Alone, looking like one of them, yet not speaking and understanding their language, I felt I'm home, yet not quite. Searching for my destinations, or simply plain wondering around, it just seemed like it was meant to be whether expected or unexpected to me. It was strangely silent, something is different, or becoming different, or felt like becoming different. Perhaps it was just the contrast from my 13 days in California prior to Hong Kong that I felt such.
Then, an interviewee seeking to fill a new position in my team said this during our tele-conversation: "I'm seeking to leave my current job, not because I'm not up to the job, but because I cannot connect with it." It struck a chord within me, it resonated with something within. Doesn't matter if the interview results in a totally different outcome, I'm just glad someone pointed that out to me.
Things in the office is never the same after the episode last August. Not many of you knew what happened, but I'll leave it as "it was a failed attempt, which gotten worldwide attention, almost". Anyway, the difference seemed more stark since the year started, though on the surface we have started to have normal and non-awkward conversations, both work and non-work related. Whatever that I'm feeling, which may be due to my usual uber-sensitivities, I'm glad normality is returning, at least on the surface.
The Poi within is looking for inner-peace, not happiness, not suffering.
